I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
