just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
