Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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