NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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