I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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