He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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