everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
