Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
