You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
