Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
