Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize