Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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