Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
