Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
