She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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