Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm too high and old for this...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
