i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
