Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
