OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
