it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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