Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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