I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
