My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
