so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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