Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
