So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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