I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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