Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize