What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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