my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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