She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
