I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
