I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
