dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
