i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize