I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
