If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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