I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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