just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
