And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
