Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
