I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
