Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
