Me. At least after what I've been through.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
