I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize