..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
