I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
