I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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