I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
