Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
