What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Barsexuality is the new black.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
