after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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