i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
this just has baby written all over it
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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