I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
