It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Randomize
