Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
honey bunches of taint.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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