I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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