The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
