Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
