ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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