i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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