I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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