I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
