I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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