Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
