Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
