Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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