Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
