So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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