she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
