the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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