Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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