id be glad to
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize