my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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